Random Youth Ministry Myths

I attended a Youth Ministry conference last weekend at a HUGE church (I needed a map to find the seminars). They had their own cafe and bookstore and a fancy fountain. It was not an earth shattering event and I felt a little out of place in the whole environment. I did attend a seminar with a bunch of veteran youth pastors and we had a great discussion about some of the myths of youth ministry. I thought I would post a few for your entertainment:

#1. You have to be male, married, between 20-30 years old and superman to be an effective youth pastor.

# 2. You must go on mission trips to share the true gospel with your students.

# 3. You have to visit schools during school hours to reach youth.

#4. Young people don't want to hang out with old people and old people are deeply afraid of young people.

#5. All youth pastors must be extroverts

#6. You can only meet students/people at Starbucks when it comes to ministry

#7. All youth pastors eat pizza (that is what they served at the conference).

#8.You need a degree in youth ministry to be effective

#9. Your youth group can grow in numbers even if the church does not grow in numbers

#10. It is safe for all youth pastors to drive church vans.

Do you have some ideas to add? Please comment away!

Fear and Trembling

This week a former student of mine and I discussed via FACEBOOK a whopper of a theological question. Here is the a short glimpse into our discussion:

STUDENT:

Does god ever tell you to sin? And why did he tell abraham to commit murder to prove his faith?

ME:
“Faith … is not the immediate inclination of the heart but the paradox of existence” says Kierkegaard. “While Abraham arouses my admiration,” he says, “he also appalls me. The person who … sacrifices himself for duty gives up the finite in order to grasp on to the infinite… The tragic hero gives up what is certain for what is still more certain… But the person who gives up the universal (i.e. his universal moral principles) to grasp something still higher that is not the universal, what does he do?” How do you understand him?"These are the words and questions of the philosopher Soren Kierkegaard from his classic book on this very story in the Bible called, FEAR AND TREMBLING (you can google more on the book). Basically Kierkegaard say that we are to be "knights of faith." The knight of faith goes into the darkness when called by God, which sometimes means even dropping aspects of the universal code of ethics (in this case, do not kill). The knight of faith loves God. Love sometimes means doing something that doesn't feel right. Love means grabbing hold of God and walking into this darkness with both fear and trembling.The other aspect of the story is that God is the one who stops Abraham from killing his son. Did God know that Abraham would get to this point? We don't know. We do know that God tested the faith of Abraham and he passed the test. Now, from a personal and practical point of view (my own), I grasp hard to the fact that God's ways are higher than my ways. If I were to know everything and anything about his ways I would not only not need faith, I might as well be a god. There is plenty else that bothers me in the OT (Joshua and the Israelites killing innocent women and children in their drive to the promise land for one). There is an aspect to faith that will test all of us. If you haven't experienced it already, you will have a challenge(s) that will cause you to either throw your hands and give up or you cling even harder to your faith. I can't understand why these things happen, especially when you might be called to do something that doesn't seem right. This is a ton of stuff. Sorry for going off on the topic, but it is something that I still wrestle with on a regular basis (especially with this wait on the adoption).

For more incredible insight on this topic, check out Kierkegaard's book, FEAR AND TREMBLING!

Heartbreaking, Yet Hopeful

The adoption waiting period is now heading into its fifth month. Last night, I saw Mo talking intensely on the phone and I thought something was actually happening. It turns out she was working on a new cell phone plan. Every time the phone rings now, I get a little a excited before the read the caller ID. Will this next phone call change my life forever? There are a number of people in our life that are pregnant or have had children in the last six months. They have all had a chance to prepare for the "arrival." In our case, the arrival may not be the last hurdle. I consider our heartbreak to be trivial compared to the stories of people who have suffered numerous miscarriages (we have never experienced this kind of loss), and failed attempts at adopting a child. I read an article in the recent edition of THE BANNER. It seems like it was written just for us. It makes me fearful, yet hopeful to read this testimony to God's timing and loss. To read "A Silent Dwelling" click here.

Please keep us in your prayers as we head into another season of waiting for God to do what God is going to do.

Marko Fired; Another Major Shift In Youth Ministry

One of the pioneers and prophets for youth ministry in the world, Mark Oestreicher was fired from his job as the President of Youth Specialities, the most popular and successful youth ministry resource center in the short history of youth ministry. Marko (as most of us know him) was brash, honest, innovative, and cutting edge when it came to, not only youth ministry, but ministry in general. I have never actually met the guy but I was generally never impressed with his books or his talks at the numerous Youth Specialties conferences. I was impressed with his love for youth ministry and, especially, his love for youth leaders (pastors, directors etc.). He always took the time to tell us that he was "in our corner." And he always backed this up with words.

There is more happening here than just the firing of a beloved leader in Youth Ministry circles.There is a major shift away from organized ministry in general and the lack of resources and funds available to support youth ministry in general. Most people get fired because the company ran out of money. Many of my peers have taken pay cuts or lost jobs recently because the giving is down in their church. Times, they are a changin' and youth ministry will never look the same. You can lament all the changes or you can get ready for what ministry to youth will look like next. I for one have no idea what lies on the horizon. I know that God is still in charge and that many of things are happening so that he may glorified in the long or short run. Your thoughts?

Marko, in almost a prophetic manner blogged about getting fired (in general) back in 2005. To read that posting, click here.

NUTURESHOCK: Praise Versus Advice

This week, I began reading the new book, NUTURESHOCK by Pop Bronson and Ashley Merryman. NutureShock is defined by the authors as "the panic-common among new parents-that the mythical fountain of knowledge is not magically clicking at all." As a future parent, I have many worries about how my children will turn out based on my actions (or lack of actions). I work with a generation of youth who get everything they want with little or no effort on their part. They all believe that they are unique and special (compared to the rest of society). In the first chapter, the authors discuss whether or not is is beneficial to praise a child for their innate abilities. Phrases like: "You are so smart," or "You have natural athletic ability." Some recent studies have shown that these kids end up failing more than others. Kids who receive emphasis on their efforts achieve at a higher level. Does our society suffer from Praise Addiction. Well, one school district in Massachusetts does not even let their children jump rope for fear they may trip and fall. I can't really remember what approach my parents took, but I suspect that they were in praise mode (just because the other option doesn't seem logical). Of course, many of us turned out alright in the old scheme. How about you? Did your parents shower you with praise and rewards? Was it overdone? Could you used a little more advice in overcoming failures and working harder?

Reconciliation

I have had many relationships in my tenure as a youth pastor torn apart by various circumstances. I have had to learn how to forgive and how to be forgiven the hard way. Youth ministry can be an emotional roller coaster, you get get close and you move apart all within a year time frame. There has been one conflict in youth ministry that has never been reconciled. A little over seven years ago, I was on a mission trip to Mexico. One of the students on the trip was a young man named Ian. Ian and I were close. He was a potential star in high school football who loved to live the fast life. He had a serious drug problem and I stood by his side through some difficult times. On this trip, he crossed the line one night and almost seriously hurt one of the high school girls. It did not help that she was a student leader and one of my favorite kids. That night, the boy student and I had a yelling encounter and he walked away into the Mexico sunset. He has never spoke to me again. I have run into him a couple of times since, but he has ignored me both times. My heart was shattered to say the least and I have talked only a couple of times about that night.
This morning, through the technology of FACEBOOK, he has requested to be my friend and he wrote a little note about how sorry he was and that he wanted to talk by phone soon. My emotions are all over the place because I never throught this issue would ever be reconciled. I need some time to just settle and think about what I want to say and be prepared to hear what he has to say. I will update you all on what happens next.

To Not Write a Recommendation

Here is a common problem in youth ministry. A senior in high school asks you to write up a letter of recommendation for a college, a scholarship, or a job application. What is the problem? I would love to support students in their academic and professional dreams. The problem is the student has a less than stellar track record when it comes to being responsible and has a poor attitude about many things. Did I mention that this student has been busted at a youth ministry event for drug possession? Now most students wouldn't bother asking you for a recommendation at this point. But it still happens. What would you do? Would you be honest on the recommendation, pretty much sealing their fate? Would you turn it down and say: "You and I both know that I can't fill this out."? I have to admit that in the past, I have tried to gloss over these letters to get them off my desk and to give the student a hopeful future. What do you think?